Years ago before I got married or had children I experienced a dramatic “Damascus road” salvation experience. I had an intense love affair with Jesus that changed me from the inside out. With every breath I took, I inhaled God and exhaled Jesus. I read. I studied. I prayed. I meditated. I fell in love with this awesome Jesus because I was alone in New York and hungry for love and attention.
God began to purge me of my need for external fulfillment, one day at a time. It hurt. I hurt. My friends and family didn’t know what to make of me because I was such a different Kimyetta.
God began to turn my world upside down by loving me – unconditionally. It was a new experience for me. I told everyone I was being “purged of all my junk.” My desires for secular music, movies, tv, magazines and everything changed. I used to feast on entertainment, but that no longer moved me. All I wanted was Christ and to be more like Him.
In the midst of my dramatic conversion, I met my amazing husband. Like me, he had gone through an extraordinary conversion experience that he couldn’t explain without crying. Here we were, two grown folk sitting in his basement apartment crying and praying all the time. Not humping on each other… not messing around… we talked about the Lord and how much we loved Him. We couldn’t believe how much our lives changed because of the presence of God.
God was our everything.
Fast forward 13 years later, and things have changed. A LOT. I’m married. I have three young children and I have a different set of junk nowadays that differed from my junk, as a single person. Like most people, I have issues inside of me on multiple levels emotionally, physically, financially and of course… spiritually.
“Back in the day”, going to church several times a week and studying the bible was so much easier. Today, its more of a personal struggle for me. I used to jump out of bed and run to my prayer closet at 5am. Today, I roll out of bed, hit the floor, and fall asleep while praying. I used to study and read for hours at night. Today, I open my bible and struggle to really focus on one verse without thinking about dishes or the laundry or the kids inhalers. I used to read 30 books a year, easily. This year I’ve read only four.
Why?
I don’t know.
I’m not saying I’m back-slidden or I don’t spend time with God, or I don’t hear from God because I do. However, I’m not where I used to be 13 years ago and I really want to be. Even though I have 10 times more responsibility in my life now and 10 times less time to do it, I still desire a deeper walk with God. And it hurts.
Where does this lead me and why blog about it?
Because I need to step back and prioritize my time and my spiritual life. I can’t give what I don’t have. I repeat. I can’t give what I don’t have. I want to give more to my husband, my kids, my family, my readers, but right now, I don’t have “it.”
What’s the “it” anyway?
Who knows. But when I get “it”, I’ll know it.
So with that said, I’m taking a sabbatical from MyFreedomSuite.com. I usually write the blog at night or when I can squeeze in a moment at home, however, I’m in a place now where I need those moments to study God’s word and spend time with Him. I won’t write out of an empty spirit or spiritual fumes. I must write out of overflow and to be honest with you, I don’t have overflow right now. 😦
Will I return to the blog? I don’t know.
What I do know is that I have peace about my decision to step away in order to focus more intensely on my relationship with the Lord.
Please know that I love you and I appreciate your support of MyFreedomSuite. I started writing because I wanted others to experience the liberty and freedom in Christ that I’ve experienced. It would be hypocritical of me to blog about freedom when invisible chains continue to re-surface because I’m not pursuing Him the way I should.
May God’s blessings be upon you as you seek Him with every part of your being. God loves you, even when you don’t FEEL like it. His will is for you to thrive in life… and that is the essence of real FREEDOM.
Thank you again for reading and listening to the blog. I hope it helped you… in some small way.
I love you and I’m praying for you… our journey continues…
Kimyetta
The Prayer Closet 